ch3misTry&

haiz.. i didnt mean to feel so emotional inside... my eyes teared a few times today..my current job is very routine..from morning till knockoff i would be doing the same thing...over & over again...i nearly went bonkers.. next... the colleagues who are working with me are all not-my-race... im not trying to be racist here.. but it doesnt feels that well or enjoyable working in that environment.. the ppl hardly chat with me & they communicate in their language..i feel like a working robot...

this afternoon.. tried contacting some of my ex-colleagues for lunch...nearly couldnt get any of dem...luckily i've got 1 last min...it really sucks when you have no lunch khakis when the working days are already so damm sianz...

ydae i told my colleagues that i really feel so sian..they advised me to give myself alittle more time to adapt to the new environment... i thot so too.. but hell...today i was feeling up & down...one min...i told myself to hang on ... just work lor..stay at home also nth to do....the next min...i told myself...i better find another job or just stay home to study since i work until so "xin ku". I didnt know what the heck i want ..i feel so confused all of a sudden..

All along..i thot i was brave enough to leave the company & continue with another phase of life.. but i failed seriously ... while walking home just now..i thot of the days where i wanted to go home early so much... & now..i got the chance to do so... but is that what i really want now?? I enjoy every single day that i work OT lor..

The colleagues also commented that my current job is good when my sch starts..cox i get to leave on the dot & stuff.. i agree that i may only appreciate this job only when sch starts..so in my head i am trying to accept this job ... but as you know... im struggling to accept it...this feeling really sucks...

Just now i wish so much to confide with my colleagues.. i wanted to get their advices...just what would they suggest if they have a child like me..encountering the same situation... but i feel bad inside... afterall..they are also busy with their work..why must i burden them more with my own problems... yeah.. so i passed by the old office..& left for home.. was hoping so much that my HP vibrates..telling me to visit them ... i held my HP all the way till i reached home..but there was no response... when i got home...my HP started to beeps..my colleague said she got msg me to go up... i guessed juz now my inbox was too full..& i didnt save the msg... so i didnt get to read the msg...

Sometimes..i feel so like a kid... i should have face this situation like what an adult should be doing...yet i feel like my mentality & actions do not work hand in hand for now.. i tried to meet them up so regularly that it makes me feel even sadder inside each time we part...maybe i shouldnt meet up with dem so much ..? Will it be better for me??

I feel like im being immature all of a sudden...hai

the feeling sucks & i could hardly breathe...